- one (1) 28" iMac, on which I am typing this post
- one (1) iPad
- three (3) iPhone 4s
- one (1) iPod Touch (first-generation)
- three (3) iPod Touches (second-generation)
- one (1) iPod Nano (sixth-generation)
- one (1) iPod Nano (third-generation)
- one (1) iPod Nano (second-generation)
- one (1) iPod Shuffle (second-generation)
- one (1) Apple TV
This last, purchased only months ago, brings our total Apple device count to 14, 11 of which are iPods, officially qualifying us for classification as an iHousehold. The reason for this is obvious. The three people whom I share a home with, despite being quite intelligent, are technologically...impaired. Apple's well-deserved reputation for ease of use -- "computers for people who hate computers," so to speak -- was a natural fit.
Though I was (at the time) a devoted Windows fanboy, I was happy about the change, anticipating a much lighter load as our family's unofficial tech support. Even more so when Dad purchased a ridiculously expensive AppleCare extended warranty. And then I discovered the truth.
When Apple products work, they're wonderful. And, 99 percent of the time, they do work. But when they break, and they will eventually break for no real reason, good luck fixing them.
Case in point: one day, Mom mentioned to me that her contacts weren't syncing from her computer to her iPod Touch. Here follows a brief explanation of how we fixed this problem.
11:00 AM: We make sure all the relevant boxes are checked, uncheck them just for the hell of it, then check them again.
11:30 AM: No luck.
12:15 PM: 45 minutes of Google searching finds us only Apple support articles, which we follow to the letter. Nothing. We try rebooting things.
12:30 PM: The obscenely long iPod diagnostic startup is finally finished. It fixes nothing. We try updating iTunes and the iPod firmware.
1:00 PM: The updates have finally downloaded and installed. They fix nothing, but while you're here, would you like to consider an absolutely free 30-day trial subscription to MobileMe?
1:30 PM: We finally give in and call Apple tech support, brandishing the extended warranty.
1:45 PM: "You are number...NINE. THOUSAND. ELEVEN. In line. Please continue to hold. Your call is very important to us."
2:00 PM: We finally get a real person on the line. He tells us to make sure the boxes are checked, reboot everything, update our software...
2:30 PM: Having run out of the standard script, the Apple guy puts us on hold again.
2:40 PM: *sounds of low-quality Bruce Springsteen accompanied by the repeated sound of a forehead meeting a glass table*
2:50 PM: The Apple guy is back on the line again. "Are you sure the Sync Contacts box is checked?"
3:00 PM: We give up on AppleIsStupidAndDoesn'tCare and go back to Google.
3:30 PM: After discovering the location of the ultra-secret hidden debug console, we open it and begin looking for a relevant error message.
3:50 PM: After scrolling through thousands of incredibly helpful and detailed messages like "Tue Nov 29 18:25:07 Martinez-Family-iMac.local loginwindow[33] <Warning>: CGSDisplayServerShutdown: Detaching display subsystem from window server com.apple.loginwindow[33]," we (I) finally manage to determine that, out of Mom's over 700 contacts, exactly one is corrupted and is halting the sync process.
4:30 PM: BUT WHICH ONE?
5:00 PM: We make an interesting discovery: There is absolutely no way to find out. Mom begins re-entering all of her contact data.
Somewhere, Steve Jobs laughs.
Aside: a quick math lesson for those of you who haven't already figured this out: 11 iPods / 4 people = 2.75 ipp (iPods per person). Well, actually, considering I own exactly one of these devices, the iPod Nano 2G (the exact circumstances leading to my current state of iPhonelessness are left to the imagination), a more accurate equation is 10 iPods / 3 people = 3.33 ipp. Hopefully, you don't need me to explain why this is WRONG.Somewhere, Steve Jobs laughs.
Ah, the pleasure and pain of owning a truly obscene number of Apple products. It is certainly true that when they work, they're a thing of beauty. But when they break, you had better watch the hell out, because it's about to get catastrophic in here. For example, our second gen iMac. In which the logic board essentially committed suicide for no reason other than it decided we ought to upgrade. Engage rage mode. Anyways, a really good post, definitely liked it.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds so unfortunate... Although Apple knows how to visually appeal to its consumers, it often fails to perform. My brother has an iMac and we have had so many issues with it. You have my absolute sympathy with this. Great post!
ReplyDeleteOh man, you put me to shame. My family also hoards Apple products (not quite as obsessively as yours); we have around three iPods, one iPod Touch, three iPhones, and one MacBook Pro. So really, just eight products (hopefully this number can be boosted to ten with the advent of the MacBook Air and iPad this summer), and out of those, five are exclusively mine because my parents abhor atheistically pleasing, easy-to-use, and ridiculously shiny technological products. Yet they love buying them because they're just so in. I guess I get the short (long?) end of the stick.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I truly enjoyed reading your post. iThings can be absolutely impossible to fix. Take the time when I dropped my iPod Touch into a full bathtub, and then proceeded to blow dry it in a desperate attempt to revive it. Still dead, but it's okay because my iPhone came three days later to ease the pain.
You have a talent for entertaining the reader; keep it up!
As a Windows fangirl, I giggled while reading this post. Of course, no system exists without ... issues... but I have to say, personally, I doubt I'll ever get an Apple computer. Doesn't matter how nice it looks. I need something that works, and although I've noticed that Apple fans tend to adore their iThings like they're living and breathing, I've also heard many horror stories, like the one documented in this post.
ReplyDelete*hugs Win7 laptop* "I love you, baby <3"
At any rate, great post! The fact that it wasn't really a rant, although your frustration was clear, made it fun to read. :)
Fun post! Yeah my family is hooked on Apple stuff and we're probably up to 10 products, counting broken ones. They get stepped on, put through the wash, dropped, and lost a lot, but there's also the ones that break for no reason at all. My iphone likes going into "recovery mode" or "brick mode" as I like to call it.
ReplyDeleteWow. That's just insane. Unfortunately, I can relate. My mom synced her iPhone with my uncle's computer, and now it's completely messed up. Not exactly sure what went wrong or how to fix it, especially since my mom doesn't feel the need to take it to the Apple Store.
ReplyDeleteHilarious. Maybe part of the reason I prefer Apple to PC is that I can't begin to fix problems with either, so it doesn't really matter. I just find Windows machines impossibly hard to navigate in every instance beyond simple internet or word processing stuff (esp. for some reason with pictures/photography), whereas I've never had trouble finding stuff or moving stuff or figuring out how things work on Macs.
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to understand why people prefer Mac desktops over PC desktops. Laptops+iPods+iPhones and stuff I can understand, but PC desktops are just 10x better in every single way.
ReplyDeleteWould you recommend Apple Tv?
ReplyDeleteDaxx: Apple TV is the subject of my next rage post. The main idea behind it is Home Sharing, the ability to "seamlessly" aggregate all your media from all your computers. For this to have ANY chance of working, they must be Macs, and judging by your previous comments this doesn't work. (Plus, the other major idea is "paying for movies," and I know that's not your style.)
ReplyDelete